Here Lies the dead and gone Aaron.

Comic

2009-05-11T07:51:00.005+02:00

So one night when Jenny and I were bored we thought," Hey Monica Draws Comics, we can too!" Well its just this simplistic thinking that brought us in and then destroyed us once we tried to draw. Well I will confess Jenny got her version of characters down really well, while mine left something to be desired. However, as a testament to Monicas skill I thought I would post as much of the comic that I had finised. Go HERE to compare it to well made comics and let me know what you think.

The Wheels on the Bus.

2009-05-05T04:15:00.005+02:00

I once heard a story of a man riding a bus alone at night. Eventually the bus pulled up to a stop with a man standing there waiting. The rider on the bus thought to himself "Jesus I hope he doesn't sit next to me."
The man entered the bus and as it pulled away from the station he started to walk down the aisle. The seated man looked at the new passenger out of the corner of his eye while he entered the bus and then looked out the dark reflective windows as he walked toward him. The man stopped in the aisle right next the seated passenger and said, " Excuse me but I believe Jesus told me to sit next to you."

This story was a lot better the first time I heard it, Sorry.

Well, I hope everyone has been doing well. I have not talked to most of the readers of this blog in ages, but I will trust that everything is going well and that school is coming along nicely.

I had to go get my cars state inspection this last weekend as I had been putting it off for about two months. Driving about with the expired inspection sticker started to wear on my nerves knowing that at any moment the cops would bust me of all people in a sting operation to catch expired inspection drivers. Now it's not like I was not prepared just in case I got pulled over..."I'm sorry officer, I know it is expired but I just got back from an extended business trip and am actually taking it to go get inspected today." If he still doesn’t believe me I simply say, "I know it sounds ridiculous, because it’s true." In any case, I took it to be inspected and the attendant asked if I also wanted it washed, to which I responded in a hell no kind of way. What am I made of money? And then he looked up at this huge sign that said, "Free car wash with state inspection." In that case I do want a car wash, Hell Yeah!
This happened to be one of those car washes where you sit behind this glass and watch your car go along this conveyor belt through the wash. Myself and this father and his little daughter who was probably about 5 were the only ones watching cars. Then when my car goes by the little girl points and says "Look, that’s like Pop pop's car." To which her father nodded and she then said, "It's even white like his."
It was about this point that I grabbed the little girl by her shoulders and said "Grand Marquis and Crown Vics are not for old people, they kick ass. And you know what you still poop in your pants, so HA!"

I didn’t say that to the little girl but instead I paid my bill and walked away, letting the little girl live to insult another day.

Today I went into a stall at the mall to pee, and for the first time ever in a public restroom I found bloody toilet paper still floating in the bowl. One can only ask what on earth was wrong with that person and why did they of all people who use the restrooms, feel compelled to not flush. Needless to say I left the stall without touching anything and proceeded to wash my hands over and over again. I didn’t touch a damn thing and I still felt gross. Ahhh!

Drag Me to Hell, NO! Drag You to Hell.

2009-04-22T08:06:00.004+02:00

Ok so I saw another film preview that looks amazing. The film is called Drag Me to Hell and can be seen HERE. This one is by Sam Raimi, whose last movies (all the Spider Man films) were all crap but who got the horror genre so right with his Evil Dead movies. Since this is a return to his horror roots we can hope it will be good.

Lets see Jennifer and I watched the Reader this last weekend. In case you don’t know, that’s the Kate Winslet film she just got her Oscar for. I liked it. (Wow, what a terrible review.) So did you like the film? "I liked it." Ha ha, anyways, its good and something different than say Marley and Me, which we watched two weeks ago. Wow that film sucked balls. Oh don't be fooled, its genetically engineered to make you cry, but its all empty crap tears that are meaningless. The tears this movie from hell extracts from you are not because the film is sad, but because if you have had to put down an animal it reminds you of that experience. You go to hell, you go to hell and you die Marley. Oh wait at the end of the movie he does.

I would end with a funny story, but alas my life has been rather simple recently and has not provided me with anything funny to tell. But if you do want to see something funny go to THIS blog and look at the photo of the skinny boy pretending to run. Ha Ha ...

Where the Wild Things Are

2009-04-06T00:47:00.005+02:00

Hello,

Ha! I suppose its been a little while since my last post but the gap was not nearly as long as the one before this. I will confess that I probably would have not written anything again if it was not for two things I must get off my chest. First... you should click HERE and watch the trailer. Wow! this is one of the first movies I have been really really excited about after watching the trailer in a long time. The trailer looks amazing in my opinion and its directed by Spike Jonze. So plz let me know what you think after you watch the trailer.

In other news I must confess that something happened yesterday while I was in the car with Jenny that shocked my delicate sensibilities. My lady and I had just rented a film from blockbuster (yes, I know, we are the last people on earth still renting from there) and then proceeded to pull out into the alleyway behind the store. We moved into the pitch black alley while avoiding the dumpsters and began heading down the dark and frightfully scary road. We were not but about two feet into the alley when I noticed a man sitting against one of the dumpsters. I initially thought nothing of it except that some homeless man must be getting a little rest before he went on his merry way collecting curios. But before I could even finish thinking that, I realized that he was indecently touching his swimsuit area. THEN, I realized that he had his entire thing out just hanging in the breeze. (It was a windy day). I must confess that I was a bit stunned, and thought, well perhaps I could call the cops. But alas I realized that by the time the cops arrived he would probably be gone, but more importantly I realized that it is very hard to hit a bottom much lower than this guy. For it's rare when you find yourself homeless sitting in dirty clothes on the dirty ground next to a dirty dumpster trying to masturbate in the dark and not even being able to achieve an erection.

In any case, Jenny was not really surprised at all, for after the event she simply said: "Well I guess that makes three now that I have seen out in public!"

Old Story Box

2009-03-09T03:00:00.005+01:00

Well, hello I have not written anything on this page in ages because I have come to the realization that I don’t have anything of real interest to say. If you were to inquire with my wife she could tell you every story I have ever told her word for word because I have told her every story I have about a dozen times. When I do get new stories I end up telling them to her right away and then they quickly make their way into my box of old stories. My advice then to anyone would to probably know and talk to me for a few consistent weeks and then never speak to me again, this way you could hear everything fun and interesting I would ever say and then be on your way. I suppose that when people stick around after that it is a sign of a true friend. So thank you to all my friends.

I don't really know if I should write anything on a blog or online about this because it just ends up sounding cheap and contrived. However, I suppose I would tell you that I went to my cousins funeral this last Friday. He was only 27 and recently had a child. I suppose it's a bit rough to think about since I have fond memories of several summers I spent in Baton Rouge with him and my uncle’s family. If I had to say one thing about him that I will probably always remember is that he had a very distinct laugh. He and his brother were always very nice to me and its sad to think that he is gone while remembering the time I have shared with him.

In any case, I hope everyone is doing well and I will say that I will continue to try and update this more consistently but alas I am afraid that could be a lie. However, I will try. Adios

Good Day!!

2008-12-17T03:56:00.002+01:00

You know its gonna be a good day when you go into the bathroom and begin to pee on the new urinal cake and you think out loud to yourself.... "Wow the new smell is pretty good."

;-)

Oh BTW... I’m going to Taiwan, its no big deal... its a huge deal and I am more then excited, words cannot describe how I feel.

New Post! and its about airplanes!

2008-11-06T05:15:00.007+01:00

Ok so recently I went to Corpus Christi for my good friends wedding. My job at the wedding was to help seat old ladies, whom I all had blushing since they got to walk arm and arm with the handsome hunk I am. I have yet to tell my wife, but between you and me, at one time I had to walk two ladies to their seats one on each arm (wink wink). Never mind that their combined age was probably over 160 years old, that just means more experience, if you know what I mean. Oh and I had to walk Jimmy's Grandmother down the aisle, she to couldn’t stop smiling the whole time. I tell you what I think I learned that the product known as Aaron is very popular with the old lady and gay crowd.

Anyways, I am getting off topic because I’m here to tell you about my plane ride home on Sunday. I was not scheduled to leave Corpus until like 5:40PM on Sunday, which would have effectively killed that day seeing as I had no transportation in Corpus and so would have spent the entire day at their tiny ass airport. But... I got to the Airport early to see if I could catch the early flight out of town. I put my hair up all nice and even wore a nice button down shirt to try and impress the airplane lady into helping me get on the plane, which worked. So as I am waiting more and more people are showing up at the gate waiting to board the plane. It should be noted that the plane was totally full and by this time I believe everyone was already waiting to board at the tiny gate. Then this middle aged lady in a matching purple shirt and pants combo (something I could see my mother wearing) walks up and gets out her cell phone. She begins to talk in a thick country accent at FULL VOLUME SO THAT EVERYONE CAN HEAR HER CONVERSATION -- "Hello, (Pause)... yes, yes I made it to the airport just fine. Now don’t forget I'll be flying to Houston, and then on to Oklahoma City. Yep, uhh, that’s right I just wanted to tell you my flight information again. (long pause) ... Now wait, wait, just listen... no, listen to me for a second... Listen, If for any reason any of my airplane flights today should crash, and you know if we should all just crash and burn up and die, I want to do something for me.. (short Pause), No Listen if this flight cashes and I die, DONT BLAME GOD, ok? Just DONT BLAME GOD! Ok I Love you, I Love you so much." Yeah, it’s just that type of conversation that makes everyone on that plane fell good about flying that day.
It’s about this time I start to think, wow that lady is crazy. But I just brush it off at that and nothing more.
Then I get onto the plane and sit down at the very back of the plane where I like to sit. We are three seats wide with me by the window and some other random young professional on the aisle. Then this whole family makes its way to the back of the plane and then all split up to fill out all the remaining seats in the back. The young teenage boy gets a seat next to me. He is wearing a UT hat and so I ask "Do you go to UT?" He responds in a Thick country accent just like the previous lady... "Oh, no Sir, No I live and go to school here is Corpus." He then starts looking about the plane at everything and then turns to me again "This is the very first time I've ever been on a plane, it’s my first plane ride." It’s just about this time that I can’t help but think, wow this plane really is going to crash.
A: I was not even supposed to be on that plane, I caught it so I could get home early
B: Crazy boarding gate lady professing the end of all our lives
C: First Time flyer sitting next to me
The irony of us crashing on his first flight would be just to perfect. I got that feeling like in that movie Final Destination (the 1st one) where the kid thinks the plane is going to crash and gets off right before it takes off and then the plane really does crash. Well, to tell you the truth I didn’t get off the plane and I was fine but I swear I would have been perfect if we really had crashed and burned up died.

I still hate rich people

2008-10-15T07:25:00.006+02:00

... but I'll try to move on to something a little bit more interesting. Oh wait I have nothing to say and am a boring person so this post will be very lame.

I don’t think I ever posted on the topic before but a little while ago probably during the quiet spell my blog had, we fostered two kittens. Now I was recently surfing Jennifer’s flickr page and came across photos of the kittens, which caused me to reminisce about the cats. "Oh wow they are soooo cute, I miss having them around, they were so much fun!" But then my memory cut in "don’t be fooled by the photos (like this One!), the photos are a big lie just aimed at tricking you, and certainly don’t for get the weeks of scraping kitten crap up off the floor to the bathroom." Yep it’s just like a photo to go a trick you into thinking about how great past times where when they actually sucked, see childhood for examples. I will say however that it was an adventure and one that I am glad I took part of. Yes they crapped everywhere including themselves, Yes they meowed a lot, yes they would claw you and the couch, and yes Jenny was allergic to them, but in the grand scheme of things I am glad for the experience. The best ending to this story however is the fact that we able to get both kittens adopted before we had to give them back to the shelter. Yes, I am glad for the experience but would I do it again, well ask me in a few years. Until then we can be tricked into remembering fondly with photos like this one!.

"I'll never forget you; you shit covered, pain in the ass, cute little kittens."

I hate rich people!

2008-10-09T05:41:00.004+02:00

Or... I hate big Executive fat cats. These dumb bastards got in way over their heads and now we the tax payers have to come and bail them out or else our whole economy might fail. What really boiled my blood was the when I read the first part of this article about what AIG executives did just days after we the tax payers saved their company. I know this is probably of no interest to anyone who reads this but I was just mad after reading this article and had to vent on it. Thanks for sticking with my blog.

Link can be found by Clicking Here!

Cats!

2008-10-06T04:57:00.004+02:00

This really has nothing to do with the play, although if I try and imagine the stray cats around my house as alley cats then maybe. Oh and tonight when we went out to grab something to eat I saw a guy wearing a Cats shirt (the play). I thought it was funny seeing as though Cats shirts kinds became uncool around the mid to late 90's. I tried pointing this out to Jennifer who just could not orientate herself and so missed the fellow. But I did learn that she once had her name in lights when she preformed CATS! at the young age of 13. Yep she was dancing around saying "meoww!" and "Alley cat, alley cat, meoww!" while simultaneously making the cat claw hand gestures. You know the one where the person stick out their had in a claw and slowly bring it toward their body in a beckoning way while saying "Meoww." Wow I just wrote "meoww" more times in the last minute than I have in my entire life, Score 1 for Aaron! In any case she told me how despite it being embarrassing she really loved the feel of wearing her leotard while doing the play. Go Jennifer, you know I think I might have previously heard this story but it just didn’t register, so I'm going to count it as a new one. So that even after almost a decade together I am still learning funny and for lack of a better word cute stories about her.

I am getting way way way off track because this post was originally supposed to be about our stray cats. So last night we had an encounter with our jerk ass neighbors who decided in a drunken stupor to chase off the stray cats for fun. This pissed me off and so we confronted them about it. I could go on and on but I’m sure Jenny will want to vent and tell about it on her blog (which you can now access my loyal readers by using the blog list at the top right on my page! She is the top one listed as paper pieces.) So to protect the cats we cut a little hole in the side of our fence so they could get through and into our backyard to access their new food spot that resides safely in our backyard away from the drunks! Just writing this pisses me off but seriously I'll let Jenny tell it. Getting back to our Kitty Anne Frank hide away hole, we kinda over judged the size of it in our ghetto construction kinda way. I have never used a hacksaw or a loose hacksaw blade and a glove to cut so many random things in my life before, our wooden fence being one of them. To get the picture we pre drilled a few holes with our drill so I could get my hacksaw blade into the fence and start cutting, this all taking place around 3am. After I sawed off the pieces I used my superior man strength and knocked out the boards soon finding out that I knocked out a little too much. So then we spent a little bit of time patching up and figuring out a way of re-applying about an inch and a half section back on to the fence utilizing hot glue, gorilla glue,nails, and aluminum cut outs to kinda ghetto/ Robocop patch the whole thing together. I think the result looks very good and Jennifer thinks it looks bad. Oh and we painted it to match the wood fence color. I'll let any reader stop by and take a look and tell me what they think.

On that note I'll wrap up this post all the while keeping you informed of how well the cats take to eating in our back yard. I currently have this funny image of them eating and then lounging around on the soft grass back there.

I'm Dead

2008-09-27T05:23:00.004+02:00

Hello,

This silly thing is just so hard to keep going all the time. However, I did run across something that I thought you all might like. Apparently Im dead. Yep that’s right you heard it from the source himself, apparently I died on Dec. 25, 2007 in Lufkin Texas, which is not all that far southeast of Dallas. I didn’t know about this latest development until I tried googling (sp?) my entire name, then I get this...
Click Here!

Yep I found someone who shared my entire name including the middle one, with each part spelled just the way I did. It’s a bit sad because he was only 21 and well its one less chance of meeting someone who shares my complete name. Hell, he even lived in Texas!

Just thought that was rather interesting and I would let you know.

Let me know if the link does not work.

Birth of The Transplants

2008-09-03T07:58:00.005+02:00

I was just rolling around youtube and found what looks like some early Rancid movie. Its a short film directed my Tim with Lars as the main character. The best part of the video is how Tim shows up to talk to Lars and let him know that his new band will be called the Transplants! This short film was made WAY before the Transplants ever came into existance, Amazing! I must say good job to whomever posted this video. You can check it out below.

Dog Nastiness

2008-08-19T06:39:00.003+02:00

You have not lived until you have googled "Dog mucus and blood in diarrhea."

Dwight is fine he just has an upset stomach and despite how bad what we googled sounds, its seems that its kind of normal for a dog with an upset stomach.

Listen to Rap

2008-07-29T07:23:00.003+02:00

This is short, but a new (actually old) CD for me is The Wu-Tang Clan: Enter the Wu-Tang. Its a fantastic CD, not that anyone cares about my opinion but every track on the CD is great.

My poor poor blog.

2008-07-22T07:28:00.004+02:00

Ok so I have to admit right away that I kinda have been avoiding this blog thing. It was fun and then I just completely shot my self in the foot when I wrote about what I should do before I die. After that post I got all ready to do those things and then... well to be perfectly honest I mostly got lazy. And then it all spiraled out of control the longer I waited the more pressing these things to do got. It got to the point where I was like well damn, all these nice people commented on my blog and I don't have the decency to respond fast enough. To perfectly describe the feeling it like trying to write thank you cards, You just don't want to do it but you have to, so you put it off until... Well I just want to say I am still dedicated to doing all those things you so kindly told me about, It might just be a little slow in getting completed.

In anycase, I thought that I would tell you about the guy I saw while driving home from work. So I am at a stop light, sweating profusely while I wait for it to turn green. (Note to any readers, if I even have one left which I doubt... Dallas is hot as balls right now) To my right out the passenger window is a Sonic: Americas Drive-In restaurant with a little patch of grass out front. I am sitting there when all of a sudden I hear the strong sound of an electricity. It just sounded like a very strong electrical buzz. I turn to my right and all I see is some homeless guy sitting there. If you know the band Less than Jake he looked like the singer with the incredibly crappy dreadlocks. He was skinny, white, blonde'ish hair, two crappy dreadlocks with matted other head hair, a muscle shirt that was torn black pants of some kind and of military style back pack with what I assume where all his belongings. He was without a doubt homeless or he was in a rock band, but as he was just sitting on the two feet of grass Sonic can call its own, then most likely he was homeless. We can never be sure but we'll just have to assume. So I keep looking at this guy because he is holding this massive glossy black stick while he kinda mischievously smiled. Then I see big blue sparks rise up in giant lines from the tip of the black stick, while his smile gets bigger and even more mischievous, if thats possible. I hear the buzz and watch the sparks and realize he has a giant stun baton. (similar baton pictured below) In fact I was so captivated by this site and how happy this guy looked I missed the light turning green and was rudely beeped by the car behind me. I had to drive forward and away from this fellow and leave him to whatever adventures I could conjure up for him in my head. I suppose that either this is one very safety conscious bum who doesn't want to get fucked with when he is sleeping on the streets at night, or he uses it to stun unsuspecting people whom he robs of their precious belongings before going to pawn the jewelry and blow the cash on booze, whores, and drugs. The second choice is much more romantic dont you think? Hell it could make a movie, in fact that was one idea from a movie I had. Thats an idea only for close friends and those who know how to take it. But In any-case thats the story. Ok that was not a very good story at all to start out with after such a long hiatus and it was a bad excuse for being gone. Let just say my blog and I where going through contract negotiations.

What to do before I'm Dead.

2008-01-25T07:35:00.000+01:00

Just about every time I work on this thing I have trouble thinking of new things to write about. However, Jennifer’s sister’s boyfriend (Jordan) recently called me on the phone and we had a funny and awkward conversation. The reason for the call was that on my Facebook he messaged me asking why I was never on Instant Messenger (IM). To which I responded that I have never really liked IM but prefer to talk to someone over the phone instead. Jennifer can testify to this as we had many conversations during college on IM and they typically went like this

Note: This conversation took place while she was still in high school and I was a freshman. Because once she got to college we never IM'ed on another ever again.

Jen: "What are you doing? I miss you :-) "
Me: "Not much, you? I Miss you to ;-) "fresh face"
Jen: " What do you mean by not much? You are talking to me right?"
Me: "Yeah, just talking to you."
Jen: "No I bet you are talking to someone else aren’t you?"
Me: "No, really I am only talking to you."
Jen: "I can tell by your tone that you’re lying!"
Me: "Tone, I don’t get it were on IM, I am only typing."

This would continue for quite some time until we would most likely just call one another to figure it out. IM sux because its so impossible to tell exactly how someone is reacting or anything over it. A joke in never as funny, a story never as good. In any case, you probably get that I don’t like IM.

Anyways, Jordan calls me up out of the blue while Jen and I are at Target. If I recall correctly I don’t think he even gave me a proper hello, much like an IM conversation, which begins with a thought and not an introduction. Anyways, I eventually ask, why did you call and he says that he just wanted to talk about a few things and that I told him to call instead of using IM. I don’t think I quite related this IM phone call conversation quite as funny and awkward as it was, but it was fun. So if anyone ever wants to send me a quick message or anything, don’t IM, just call.

*Ok so recently I got thinking that lots of my friends and people I know are quite a bit more knowledgeable in areas I am a little lacking in. As such I would like to ask my friends to submit to me things that in their expert opinion I should read, watch, listen to, experience, etc etc. before I die. I would like you to think about it and tell me the one book, or one album, one move, one TV show, one song, etc. that you think someone should experience before they die. I am open to any suggestion from anyone but just to get you guys started...

Jared: Album, song, movie
Jennifer: Book, song, album
Monica: Song, TV show, experience
Jordan: Resturant, food, and sport thing I should watch

I only list the above people because they are the few people I know of who consistently read my blog. The above-mentioned people can also submit other ideas other than the ones mentioned above. But if anyone reads this silly thing PLEASE give me the suggestion! After I get the suggestions I will then start completing them. Some like books will take much longer (Jennifer can testify to my slow as a turtle rate of reading) - but I will get through them hopefully sooner rather than latter. Thank you in advance.

Lucy the Old Stinky Dog

2008-01-09T03:21:00.001+01:00

Well I have come up with something to write about, but first I would like for anyone who cares to take note that the old owner of this blog has moved on to greener pastures and is now writing here. After reviewing the blog I give it my stamp of approval, which is actually meaningless as she has just started that blog and already has more post than I do. Damn...

In any case, I thought I would write about my Dad's dog Lucy. See when my Grandmother Jewel passed a few years ago she had a pet Doberman, Lucy, whom my dad took over caring for. Since then Lucy and my Dad have become super close with Lucy being very very very protective of her. Likewise my Dad is protective of Lucy, an example of which is when they walk he carries a big cut off hockey stick. This is in case any random loose dogs decide to possibly attack Lucy, which has happened before, but now with the stick not so much. Lucy is kind of like a big cranky old lady, not so fat but just big. Lucy is fine with my Dad and my Mom, who has taken care of her before, but she doesn’t really like me that much and certainly not Jennifer. If I accidentally step on her bed she'll let me know right away by growling/ barking. Other than that she tends to leave me alone, but poor Jennifer can barely get into my Dad's house before Lucy is pissed. Jennifer came up with a theory that Lucy didn’t like her because she talks to her in a voice that’s too high, so later when we went over Jen talked to Lucy in a Low deep voice, and sure enough Lucy didn’t get as mad. In any case, this blog is not about how mad she gets but about how bad her gas is. I don’t think words can describe just how bad the farts are. They are kind of rancid and literally burn your nostrils a little bit. I was watching several DVDs at my Dad's and Lucy would come over to say hi and get pet. (Yes she is not a total monster, she does like being pet.) Well while she is standing in front of me she lets one rip. It was awful; I literally had to close my nose with my finger to get through it. When you ask my Dad about this he just simply breaks into hysterical laughter that I can't understand because he too must smell how bad they stink. It’s so bad that even when Lucy retires to her bed that is next to the couch she farts and it carries over to us watching the film. I had to close my nose with my fingers no less than 6-8 times during two DVDs. I know Dwight (my dog) farts, sometimes they are audible and a few smell a bit, but Dwight has got nothing on old Lucy. Yep that dog has to literally have the worst farts I have ever smelled on the planet, well at least the worst I have ever experienced from any creature.

I tip my hat to you Lucy, keep on ripping them my old friend as long as I'm not there.

Boxes to Go!

2008-01-08T07:33:00.000+01:00

Sorry I have not posted earlier or at all in ages. I feel like I have let my few readers and my blog down. Dear blog... I apologize. Also my last post was recycled so... therefore I have not had a definitive new post in a long time. Christmas and New Years was fun. I went back to Houston for Christmas and then was back in Dallas for New Years. Christmas was fun I got a shiny new white belt that I have been eyeing for some time. Jenny got me the belt & since there is a photo of Brandon Flowers wearing one as well (Whom I think she loves more than me). I can imagine she might just be plotting on making me over to look as close to Mr. Flowers as possible. She even gave me a haircut a little while ago, which was inspired by Mr. Flowers. In any case, I don’t mind as she has only called me Brandon one time and it was only while she was excited. Just kidding. I also scored two PS3 games Assassins Creed (it looks awesome, game sorta fun with all the building climbing and jumping in the Middle Ages, but ultimately kinda too easy) And Call of Duty Modern Warfare (I am super excited about this one but have yet to play it).

Well unfortunately I don’t have a lot to say but... the other day Jennifer and I where driving and we passed a small strip mall of about three shops. The center shop had a red sign over it that simply said Caskets. Next to it was another sign that said Boxes to Go. Now one should know that they where two different stores, one selling funeral caskets and the other boxes, but no other two stores next to one another could be any more perfect in my opinion!

BTW who shops at box stores anymore? or ever?

The crazies shall inherit the earth.

2007-12-14T07:55:00.000+01:00

One story of Aaron in Los Angeles...

One weekend when I happened to not be working or talking constantly on the phone with Jenny I decided to take my bike out for a spin. Actually it was early morning about 7:30am on a Saturday and I had not slept well the night before. I thought "well just go for a ride, get a donut, and maybe by the time I get home you'll be tired." So I proceded to get dressed and head out. Now it should be noted that North Hollywood where I was living is not the safest or cleanest or nicest place but its not that bad either. I dont know if anyone remembers the event but I lived about one block away from the scene of the famous Hollywood shootout, where two guys in armor and automatic weapons took on the LAPD while trying to rob one of the many local banks. That event probably marked the hight of NoHo's fame. Oh they also shoot quite a few episodes of Reno 911 by my old house there. In fact they filmed inside our house for one episode just before I moved in. Sorry I got off track, anyways,

So I began to ride my bike and as I was pulling into the donut shop parking lot, I began to look at what I thought was the donut shop but at first looked like a chinese resturant, so I was taking a second look to make sure. Well a lady about 50 (short, skin tanned to hell, with a purple jacket and sunglasses) exiting the donut shop must have thought I was staring at her instead. So then this crazy lady begins to charge at me waving her hands in the air cursing. She then procedes to spit a luggie at me which I just happened to swerve out of the way of onto the curb. I pull around a car as she gets into her car and pulls forward. I sit on my bike and shrug my shoulders at the lady in her car to say "why did you do that?" She stops the car and lets out another barrage of bad words. I then shrug my shoulders again in an act of giving up trying to understand her. This is when I did something kinda stupid in retaliation to her spitting at me, I sorta flip her the bird as I ride off.

Well all of a sudden I hear her car start to speed toward me and in an instant I am being chased down by a crazy lady in a car. So I am riding for my life as I hear the car getting closer. I pull into what I thought was a parking lot that would lead to a quick escape route, BIG Mistake. The entire parking lot is fenced in. Im thinkin "Well its the end of the line for me, Aaron, age 23, taken out by a crazy lady in LA." As I could hear and see the car getting closer, God, saved my ass as I spotted a small gap in the fence big enough for my bike to fit through. I jumped the curb, sped though the gap onto the other side, and into safety. The lady circled the lot pissed that she couldn't get to me, then stopped to shout out another long rant of bad words. She sat there for about 5 minutes before driving off. I think maybe I got in one last good middle finger. Oh well, that was my close encounter with death.

I think I should let all the little children know that when dealing with crazy or irrational people use of the middle finger should be avoided at all costs. It is also not very polite even if someone tried to spit on you.

It should be noted that this story came from a post at my myspace page, but seeing as I doubt many people ready my myspace page I thought I would retell it again.

Oh the one other time I dealt with a cazy person was when one came up to the window in my car and started banging on it with thier fist until I had to peel out from the intersection to get away.

Ahh yes, good times.

There Will Be Blood or Collars

2007-12-01T10:49:00.000+01:00

I just posted yesterday but I came across something that I thought was really cool. It’s a trailer for an upcoming movie called There Will Be Blood. Jennifer just recently posted a trailer for I am Legend on her blog, which got me thinking of posting one on mine (I like to copy all her good ideas). I saw this trailer and I just thought that they way it was cut and everything was just perfect. I only hope the movie is this good when it comes out. Anyways, sorry if you're disappointed that this post has a tone totally different than any of the other. I just thought it was too cool to pass up.

Ok well now I kind of feel like becoming an oil man with a mustache myself. Oh wait; my uncle is already that man. On another note Jennifer just sewed Dwight (our dog) a new white and red buckle collar. It is quite spectacular if I do say so my self. It's funny but Dwight has been thought a lot of collars, but I guess when the only clothes you wear is a thin strip of cloth your wardrobe is quite small to begin with. It was just recently that I came home from the grocery store or something and she had found this huge website that sells every kind of nylon type strap known to man. They also sell all the needed metal parts which you can get powder coated in any color as well. The site is www.strapworks.com , now that I have put the URL down it sound more like a Bondage site, but anyways its a perfectly "G" rated site and kinda cool if you want to make your own belts, straps, dog collars, etc. Tonight she finally had some time after her test to put it all together. I'll try and get her to upload the photos to her flickr site if anyone has any desire to check it out. But now that Dwight has his nice new white collar, I only need to wait until he decides to go roll around on some other dog's poop before it won't be so bright. Let's hope it will be awhile before he does.

The High School Band

2007-11-30T12:27:00.000+01:00

Hello, I felt sorry for my blog, as the poor thing has sat silent for a little while. I guess then I should also apologize to anyone who actually checks this as I have let you down as well. I have actually been trying for a while now to come up with something that I feel I can actually put on this thing. My friends this is actually harder than one might imagine. But I digress, because I do in fact have something for you.

I thought I would let you in on a little secret. In middle school and the beginning of high school I was not as cool as everyone knows that I am now. Ok, well actually I am still not very cool in the least bit but lets try and look past that, huh? Anyways, back then I happened to be in the band. Our school was a tiny affair so therefore the middle schooler's in the band were drafted into the high school band and forced to march at games and to perform at competition at a much earlier age. If the school had not practiced this forced draft the high school band would have lacked enough people to do anything. You see, as a middle schooler the idea of band then is something good. Yes, you have to go to the stupid football games, but unlike your counterparts you get to skip school several times a year to go out of town to competitions where in truth there is very little adult supervision. As an impressionable youth this freedom lures many a child to their socially awkward deaths. But by the time one gets to High school, the trips are never as grand while the added pressure of actually having to play well since you are now older than the rest sucks. You have to practice, which is not fun. I was thankfully emancipated after my freshman year in high school.

One time while in middle school I went with my mom after school to Target. We hardly ever went there back then except when my mother had to purchase Tide soap, the liquid not the powder. While standing in line I convinced her to purchase me a package of M&M's. Once in the car my mom headed back to my school to drop me off so that I could perform with the band that night at the football game. I proceeded to begin eating my M&M's in the car but the first one tasted really really bad. Thinking I just got a dud I had a second and third one that tasted equally as terrible. Now I cant quite remember what they tasted like seeing as it was so long ago but I remember it being very rancid and chalky. My mind then thought well “these M&M's are terrible” but I had only just started to eat them, and my mom doesn’t buy me candy that often and I don’t even know if its possible for candy to go bad, so I guess I will just keep eating them. So I did. When we finally arrived at school I got out and found the nearest trashcan to throw them away. I took a quick peek at the bag first and realized that I had consumed all but a few remaining ones. I was very happy to know though that candy can’t go bad and that this pack of M&M's would not make me violently ill and embarrassed later. I got ready and then marched with the band out to the field and into the stands for the game. Everything was going well for a little while chatting with the other bands members, playing a song or two on the trombone, enjoying the night air, etc etc. But then it hit me like a lead brick. It was not a gradual build up or anything but an instant punch in the gut. I carefully sat down my horn and proceeded to rush off the stands. Thankfully the band sat next to one of the two on ramps to the stands so I could make a quick get away. However I could never be so lucky and as I reached the ramp I vomited through my hands and all down it. I then heard my entire trombone section made up of high school seniors all shout my last name and cheer very loudly for me. Something along the lines of "Go Yarbrough!" and "Nice Distance." I cleaned myself off and gathered my courage and returned to the stands. Oh I should note that this was luckily before half time, so the entire band had to step over and onto my vomit as the exited and entered the stands. At which times I heard even more congratulations from my fellow band mates.

My Dad picked me up that night after the game as we were headed to College Station for his college reunion game. Once in the car I said, "I threw up during the game."
He said, " Oh yeah, are you ok?"
Me- "Not really."
Dad-"You think you can make it to college station?"
Me- "Nope, I think I might have to throw up again and I don’t feel well."
Dad-"Oh, well that’s ok, you can rest in the car and if you need to spew then let me know and I'll just pull over."
Me-"oh, ok."

I will just let you know that my father did have to pull over on the way there and it was not until Sunday that I began to feel better.

Hiding from the Gestapo

2007-11-17T10:21:00.000+01:00

My dog just farted on me, while he lay next to me.
Oh, and it smelled... and made a noise when it came out.
I just wanted the world to know since I just had to deal with it myself.

On another note, Jennifer and I have been feeling a little subversive lately. As such we just recently completed our latest attack against our Home Owners Association. First you should understand that our complex has and HOA organization much like those of anyplace else. You pay to stay there and submit yourself to their rules, in fact you pay them to enforce their rules on you. Wow, as I write this its beginning to sound worse and worse. Anyways, the HOA works under the guise that they only enforce rules to keep the place nice. Well, it just so happens that everything Jennifer and I apparently want to do breaks these rules.
For example, last year Crystal (the HOA lady) stopped by and nicely told us not that long after new years "Hey (big fake smile on her face) it would be really great if you could go ahead and take your Christmas lights down now." Before I have a chance to respond she starts shaking her head up and down in the "yes" motion.
She has shot down a lot of our fun. In any case, we have taken to feeding the feral/ stray cats in our neighborhood. In particular this one grey and white cat. Oh I should make a note that we have to be very very sneaky about it because the HOA has told us not to before. So now we wait until dark and then put out food and a plastic bowl of water, which we bring in before we go to bed.
However, it’s begun to get cold at our place and we have started to feel bad for the cats not having anywhere warm to sleep at night. So Jennifer devised a way that we could secretly shelter the cats and not have the HOA complain. What we did is get a plastic planting pot that’s decently big, cut a hole in the side, line the interior with cloth from old sweaters and hoodies that we hot glued to the sides, and cover the top with a lid on which we planted plants but that is only a few inches thick so that the rest of the pot is open underneath for the cats to sleep in. Ah ha... try and beat that HOA lady. The full illusion of a typical potted plant but with a false bottom that hides our cat buddies.

It’s kind of weird but I now sort of feel like we are hiding a miniature, furry, four legged, Anne Frank with fleas. Wow, that sentence would probably make lots of people balk. Anywhoo, I now get this image of vintage 1940's Nazi soldiers running across from the office along the tiny concrete walkways and up onto our porch grabbing the fake top of the pot and ripping it open. Dirt and little plants go flying everywhere and laying there in complete shock is the poor kitten staring up in the furious eyes of the Nazi SS ...or the HOA. We are then carried out of our home in chains along with the poor captured kitteh to a camp to never return. You have got to love how nowadays we can so easily compare a situation to those of Nazi occupied Europe.

I think Jennifer with be publishing the photos of our endeavor soon on her flicker page so go check that out if you get a chance. The URL is http://www.flickr.com/photos/stormtheapocalypse

Our Dirty Kitchen

2007-11-12T10:52:00.000+01:00

To my avid readers I will admit to something a little bit gross... Jennifer and I have been having a bit of a sugar ant problem in our kitchen. I mean if we leave anything food wise out those little buggers are on it in no time. Now some might just say, "Well just clean your kitchen, you lazy ass." But I would respond by saying that cleaning all the time is easier said than done. I mean we are in our 20's the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning the damn kitchen. Actually the last thing would probably be cleaning up anything after Dwight, i.e. Poop, throw-up, hair, etc. etc. Anyways, we do our best to keep the kitchen clean but they still persist.

In our first attempt at killing the buggers I used my thumb and smashed lots of them between my thumb and the granite counter top. Well the ants didn’t get the message. You would think after many of the aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, mothers, and fathers mysteriously disappeared and never returned that they would get the picture and head on to greener pastures. Well they didn’t, in fact they came back in full force.

Phase 2 commenced when Jenny and I went to Target and picked up the classic black ant traps that have been around forever. We returned home and strategically placed them in their line of sight along their trails. I will admit a few ants went in causing us to grow excited by their imminent demise. But alas they did nothing. The ants just walked out and kept looking for food. The last thing on the planet they were interested in was those damn traps. The weeks went on and to our surprise, even with time the black plastic domes of Poison (a term I use loosely) did nothing for them. What a waste of money.

Phase 3- Google search and trip to Home depot for Terro Liquid ant baits. Ahhh... these little liquid filled trays where the ticket. We originally passed them up because we deemed them too messy. And yes if you got excited and tipped one over they could be very messy but... if you are careful then you have the power of the greatest ant killing machine on the planet. We opened these little things up and within 10 minutes the little bastards had formed and line to them collecting the bait and taking it back to their hive to kill the mound. We just did this today but I predict a big success.

On another note I have begun to feel a bit sad for the ants. Don’t get me wrong I am not going to throw the baits away and live with the ants but I still feel bad for them. You see I have been watching them and they are working so hard, so very hard to collect the bait so they can return it to the mound to feed everyone. I feel sad that they are working toward their own demise. Just toiling away diligently toward their own destruction. Poor fellas.

On another note I had a similar problem in college at my apartment. Jimmy (my roommate) and I begun to get sugar ants in our kitchen and preceded to kill them in the same fashion I did above by smashing them. I learn very slowly. As you could guess it didn’t work. I followed their trail and saw that they were coming out of an electrical socket that we never used. So in my infinite wisdom I taped up the entire socket with the thought of preventing them from even entering our abode. Well you can guess how well that worked. Jennifer still pokes fun at me for it a little bit to this day.

R.I.P- Sugar Ants October '07 - November '07.

Dwight my friend and some creepy guy.

2007-11-03T11:11:00.000+01:00

Ok ok not much going on in the ol' Aaron brain. BUT... I did come across this kick ass photo of a guy with a guitar and a gun. (Please note the picture below) Now I didn't have much luck last time posting a picture that I thought was cool and having anyone else thing it was cool. Hopefully my luck will change with this one. I mean this guy got an evil look, classic clothes, a guitar, and a stub nose revolver, Hell Yeah?

Anyways, I got a funny story of recent for you guys involving my trusty sidekick Dwight.

So Jen, Dwight, & I where at home. Jen and Dwight where on the ground while I was sitting on the couch behind them.
Jen goes " Wow, Dwight’s mouth smells really bad."

Aaron - "Yeah well he always eats his own crap and stuff." (Readers don’t hold that against him, he is a good guy, just didn’t have good parents growing up to teach him better)

Jenny leans in and smells his mouth really close. "No Aaron, its really bad, come smell it."

Aaron - "Ok." So I lean down to their level and take a sniff of Dwight’s mouth. I cannot begin to tell you just how awful and rank his mouth smelled. It was if he ate someone’s fresh rancid decaying feces. It was awful. You should have seen my face.
"Yeah it smells pretty bad, I guess he just ate some poop again." (Please note the typical Dog owner conversation)

Then as I lean back on to the couch, Dwight my compatriot and friend makes an awful face I can only recreate for you. But it featured his very tight lipped up turned mouth, which opened wide and spewed vomit right out where I had been not two second earlier.

Thank you for that, Dwight my dog friend.

Remember to tell what you think of the guy.

Lost you say, I think not!

2007-10-29T06:03:00.000+01:00

This blog is a funny thing. Now I don't mean that it’s funny because it’s actually pretty far from it. What I mean is that it’s kind of like a thorn. I like writing in it and I suppose its nice to stroke my ego and think that people actually read it. When in fact I think I could probably list the people who read it. The problem of it is trying to come up with things to write about. I suppose if you asked Jenny she would guess that I probably wouldn’t have a hard time thinking of anything seeing as how I talk so much.
But I do. For example today I have no clue about what to write on.

Humm... Well since I don’t know you that well I will feed you a slightly censored version of a childhood story. For the full details you would have to pry them from my wife, as she and my mother are the only ones who have ever heard the entire episode.

While growing up I was incarcerated in various child labor camps during the summer. Also know as Summer Day Camps. Each camp operated under the guise of being fun for the children and a way to get them out of the house and doing something instead of sitting in front of the TV. HA... it was all lies I tell you. Perhaps the popular children who constantly hung out with the camp counselors (a.k.a High school students) had fun but for the rest of us it was a few months of hell. I was forced to attend because my mother had to work during the summer like most people and so not wanting to leave her child home alone she enrolled me in these camps. I don’t blame her because she was doing what she thought was the best and even I would have probably ignored my own tiny pleas to be left at home, since I was only a little kid.
In any case, I was at my local churches camp where they would coral us into the giant gym. The infamous day in question happened when they were to take us to a water park. Don’t be fooled into thinking wow, how could this place suck if they where taking you to water parks and the such. Well it sucked because that was the one trip the entire summer we got and because you just knew that unless you were the popular kids you would probably only be going down one possible two slide the entire day while roasting in the blazing hot Houston sun on the lazy river. The lazy river being no fun for those with no friends.
Anyways, back to the story, I arrived at camp and proceeded to the restroom to get changed into my swim trunks. I don’t know about you but I don’t wear underwear under my swim trunks as they already have built in mesh panties. So I then gathered my clothes and returned to the gym. I then place my clothes in my bag by the door and waited.
In less than probably two minutes a huge commotion began to happen by the bathroom that I just left. Interested I got up and went over. Arriving at the scene I heard some one say "Ewww, gross someone lost their underwear!" "Ewww!" "That’s sooooo nasty!" Peering over some of the kids I smiled knowing one of the other kids who had been changing must have lost the underwear, and I thought quite happily to myself "wow, I sure am glad that I know I had not lost mine, because that would be embarrassing."

So the kids continued to go on and on and on about how nasty the pair of underwear was, while completely ignoring the fact that all of theirs probably looked the same. Finally, a counselor came over and picked up the underwear using a plastic bag. You should have seen this guys face; from the way he looked he could have been retrieving an Aids needle covered in poop.

Anyways, he returned it to the front desk were he placed it into lost in found to wait for its owner. In any case, we went on the field trip & I spent most of my day sitting on a splintery wooden bench next to the piss filled hot as balls lazy river. Once it was time to leave we all went into the changing room to change before heading back. I dried off and began getting my clothes out the change back into. To my surprise guess what was missing. Yes, my underwear. It was I who lost them while carrying my clothes back to my bag. I was the one everyone was laughing at. Not having any better plan I changed into my clothes but went commando since I had no briefs. We all returned back to camp to await being picked up by our parents. Finally after what seemed like ages my mom arrived and we left.
Knowing that I was now one pair of underwear short and not knowing any better I decided to confess to my mother the whole thing in the car on the way home. I was tremendously embarrassed to have to be speaking to my mother about my underwear. As far as I remember she just laughed and smiled but to my surprise she was not upset. For some reason I thought she was going to be so mad that I lost them. I then asked in my tiny voice, "Mom, please don’t got get them from the lost and found, can we please just leave them?" She smiled and said yes, that we would just go buy a new pair.

To my knowledge those tiny little Aaron briefs are still there at First Baptist Church Summer Day camp just tucked away in a plastic bag waiting for my return which unfortunately or fortunately will never happen.

Sorry for the long story.
Aaron

Ahh what its like to be old.

2007-10-22T08:47:00.000+02:00

Jennifer & I just got back from the Gogol Bordello Show here in Dallas. It was a fantastic show but it further clued me into something Jennifer & I have been noticing for a while. 30ish and older people at concerts tend to act a certain way.

They have a (to put this nicely) unique way of dancing. It should be noted that they dance period & I am not talking about bobbing their head or throwing up the devil horns. Which I will confess in my limit of dancing at a show. But I’m talking about full on dancing. If they are on the floor they will dance and even more humorous to watch is them dancing in front of their seats. Now they are not doing moves out of Saturday Night Fever or anything (which if they did, I would actually be impressed). No they are just sort of sway/ scuffling their feet/ pointing to other people and nodding, dancing.

It is quite a site to see if you catch one or even some doing it. Actually it’s not that hard, because they will most likely always be one in front of you somewhere. My advice is to just look at the audience during one of the crappy warm up bands. Oh they dance for the warm up bands as well, I almost forgot.

Tonight it was no exception. I would guess the woman was 35 or a little older with a beer and some (in Jennifer words) modern equivalent of acid jazz group was playing. They would throw in a few hard distortion power cords but for the most part it was just a little weird. Anyways, this didn’t bother the lady one bit; she just started dancing away in her little spot. I was almost afraid that she would hear Jennifer and I laughing. I only wish I could describe the scene better for you, but she did give the old point to a fellow 30ish person who actually just responded with a "why the fuck did you point at me" smile. I guess she had not quite reached the age yet.

In any case let me know if you have noticed this before at a show. They are almost always present at any show.
Adios

Strage Child Aaron!

2007-10-17T04:28:00.000+02:00

I'm going to go out on a limb here and state that I am in fact not boring... but rather one of the most interesting people to have ever walked the earth. Ok I am not serious but I thought I would just run through some old Aaron trivia...

As a child I owned a military issue gas mask. I believe it was German and it came with an unused filter to go with it. However, I never placed the filter on the mask because as a kid I was saving it for when everything went to hell. That way I could pop the filter on and I would survive the gas attacks while everyone else not intelligent enough to have a gas mask would die. I could only imagine my mom stumbling into my room gasping for her last breaths of tainted air while I inhaled clean, toxin-free air through the gas mask I so intelligently saved for that very day. Kid Aaron couldn’t be bothered with the details of guessing who would gas attack America or if I would even have time to get the mask on before it was too late. However, it sat close to my bed every night. I actually still have it in my old room in Houston to this day; maybe I should go get it.

As a kid I was obsessed with all things military, and in a way still am. However, I was obsessed with all information on Waffen SS fighting units etc. I had books and books on the SS and their battles in Russia and against the allies on the Western Front. I knew about the atrocities that are linked so closely with the organization, but I only concentrated on their battle exploits. Most of the books would only write about how great they where at fighting while completely leaving out the less noble details. In any case, I really wanted their famous dagger. Black wood handle, silver eagle inlay and blade with the inscription "My Honor is Loyalty."
I couldn’t afford the real thing from WWII so I bought a replica used in movies. I sat it upon my bookshelf and would occasionally pick it up and unsheathe it and read the dagger inscription (which was in German) and imagine a no good red soldier taking it in the gut. I am not as obsessed with the SS anymore but I still have the dagger sitting in my old room in Houston somewhere.

Lastly I bought a 1950's USMC issue pith tropical helmet as a Kid. I thought I would continue the military theme, which has been going through this post. I bought the hat because it looked cool to me, and still does in a way. My girl thinks it looks dorky. But I imagine she would be more impressed to imagine little Aaron out in the front yard of his home in Houston’s 100 degree heat mowing the grass (a chore I hated but had to do since I was born a man) while rocking his helmet. The strange looks of my neighbors or of Latino Gangsters in the low riders driving pass did not have any effect on me. I thought it was cool and practical since it was made to be worn in hot climates. In reality the thing was hotter that wearing a wool cap in the sun. I eventually stopped wearing it because I didn’t want to damage it with my sweat but to this day I still think it’s a cool hat. Well mailmen and myself think its cool.

I'm Boring and gross

2007-10-15T10:47:00.000+02:00

In an effort to spice up this blog and maybe attract a few new readers other than my wife I thought I would post a cool picture I found. It should be noted that when I look up pictures like this that involves typing Iraq, War, or Afghanistan into google my wife says I’m boring. I don’t know I guess I just am looking for unique pictures of the war you wont find on cnn.com etc.

In any case this is a private security contractor in Iraq who looked like a badass. Actually now that I think about it I probably should have uploaded a picture of some chick in a bikini and a dude in a Speedo if I wanted new readers. Ok maybe she is correct I am a bit boring on the Internet.

In any case this is quickly going down as by far the most lame and boring blog yet... so lets see....

I will confess to a rather very embarrassing scenario in which... well I don’t want to beat around the bush so to speak so... I had picked my nose.
Anyways, I went downstairs and took a seat next to my girl. She then promptly stated "Hey you got something on your finger."

Being a complete looser I didn’t do a good job. I left evidence of my gold digging on my fingertip. Don’t even bother to ask how I could miss it, because I don’t know how I did. Plz tell me someone else has done something as stupid as this... I now wish I had not put this in writing.

Spinach Yum Yum Yum!

2007-10-10T04:14:00.000+02:00

I told everyone involved that this blog thing would soon be abandoned yet again by myself its second owner. I was actually beginning to live up to that but then my wife said that she would remove me from her list of sites she regularly checks and since that idea made me a tad bit sad I have decided to try and keep this thing up.

-Note to previous owner of blog I will happily repost your old blogs here if you still have them so that we can preserve the entire history of this thing in one piece.

Anyways, I was having trouble thinking of what to write about and then it hit me like some lead bricks.

Last night for dinner I had spinach casserole. Which is actually just canned spinach with cheese added. But trust me it was very delicious.

Nothing special should be noted about the consumption of the meal other than that it was very good.

Today around 9:00 PM, I went to the restroom and left with one of the most peculiar bathroom experiences of my life. I turded out two complete and whole leafy green turds composed completely of spinach. When I wiped it was green like a crayon.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this before? Or have my bowls shut down and it is only a matter of time before I die because I can’t digest food anymore?

Let me know, oh and sorry I am gross.

Game time...Yipee

2007-09-25T10:07:00.000+02:00

Lets play a game...

What showers once a month (& only when you make it), has bathroom accidents, has a distinctive odor, and get riled up when it thinks it heard a noise?

If your thinking old people, let me just add that it also will consume feces very sneakily when you are not looking.... any guesses?

The answer is a dog.

When recently thinking about my dog I found him quite a funny enigma. I mean what other creature that exhibits such foul behavior would we keep, let alone allow into our houses. Don't get me wrong I love my dog, but just think that their place in the human world is precariously funny given what they do. Oh, I should add that my dog farts like it’s going out of style, including full on audible human butt cheek sounding farts.

Oh I should also add that the farts smell like they would come from a sweaty hyperactive raw food-eating creature as well.

Old People Lovin'

2007-09-24T04:32:00.000+02:00

Jennifer just drew a cock, a naked lady, and an ass turding on my arm.

I used to think she was good at art, and found deep meaning in it. I apparently was incorrect or maybe she is into art and the work on my arm is the latest in the art culture scene but because I am an uncultured person I know nothing. But wait this art is uncultured, I mean could you see your grandparents doodling assholes turding on one another’s arms?

In a roundabout way this brings me to my point of this post.

I have recently & more than once had a conversation with Jennifer about grandparents and old people. Our conversation was something along these lines...

Jennifer wondered if old people were as perverse and sexual as our current youthful generation, when they were our age.
I responded, that I think that they must have been. The only difference being that unlike today they didn’t talk about it at all. There was no Internet to spread their stories or experiences.

For Jennifer it was hard to imagine the old people of today doing the things that our generation, supposedly does a lot of. Like practicing a lot of (Toothbrush company minus the “b” ) on one another. Now that you might have that horrible picture of your grandparents in your head we will continue.

I made the point that surely they must have if today we still find old Greek plates of people in compromising situations etc. And today’s old people are certainly not as old as those plates and that book from India.

What do you people think?

Having now successfully made everyone a little more disturbed at the sight of old people, especially ones with walkers and colostomy bags; I will leave you for today.

Love is in the air

2007-09-20T00:25:00.000+02:00

I think I have maybe one or two more blogs left in me but I'll keep trying to make this one not suck as much as possible.

Anyways, the human body continued...

* Fact
-Everyone farts.

* Problem
-How do you let the trapped rancid air out of your body?

In high school I had this discussion with a friend and he let me know how he dealt with it, which happened to be how I dealt with it as well. He stated that if you feel one coming then slowly and silently let the gas slip out while walking down the hall to class. This way when someone smells it you are already gone and they think someone else around them must have dealt it. A word of caution to those who try this method: be sure you have total bowel control. If you do not and while letting it out you make the standard noise then it will be worse because you will have farted in front of everyone. Of course their are other scenarios, what if your in class, what if you with someone else, trapped in a car,etc. - sorry those are for you to figure out.

I would like to ask if anyone has been with their significant other and while being romantic felt the urge to pass gas? Have you just let it out? Held it in? If you did let it out, did it stink and if so how did that affect the mood? I suppose you could always just tell them that its pheromones.

Finally I once had a friend that farted in front of someone else. My friend did not know what to do but anticipated a bit of light hearted teasing. When the person they where with kept talking as though nothing happened totally straight faced it only made my friend feel even more embarrassed.
If someone farts in front of you, be sure to give them a hard time especially if it stinks like old milk.

The polite life of living

2007-09-19T00:02:00.001+02:00

Hello again,

This just in I have already run out of things to talk about on this page.
I thought of a touchy subject in the same vein as my last post, nose picking.

*Given Facts
-Everyone picks his or her nose.

There are times when its impossible for even the most polite to ignore their nose. When the boogers are large and hard and just have to be extracted. I then ask what do you do with it then? After one has carefully removed and thus relived the uncomfort to their nasal passage then what? The only thing left to do is flick it off your finger.
I recently had a conversation with someone about where you should flick boogers. She made the point to flick in popular areas that will eventually get cleaned. However, you are then left with the knowledge of having made the landing by the front door or the carpet in front of your couch even dirtier without knowing just how soon you will clean it.
I made the point, of saying to flick it in little corners or places no one ever goes or that even see the light of day. The boogers then remain out of sight and leave the rest of the house clean. The only problem is then having to clean the space behind the couch, etc. once its moved and being faced with nothing short of a tiny army of boogers on the floor.

So where do you flick?

This is mine now

2007-09-17T23:50:00.000+02:00

I have just inherited this blog from its former inhabitant. I read others blogs but in truth have never felt that anyone on earth would read mine. If I am trying to be funny then I wont be.. if I am trying to be nice, then I am mean, etc. Anyways, This stupid page is mine now, mine to never update or do anything with. I hope everyone enjoys this boring ass blog.

Things never to do in life,

-Cut nails in public

-Cut nails with tiny pair of scissors on a tiny Swiss army knife in public.

-Cut nails in plain sight of public with your teeth (once nail has separated from hand and is in mouth, now what!)

Have you ever noticed that its impossible to cut your nails no matter how clean you are and not have small to medium size pieces shoot off in all directions. I would then like to add who goes and finds those pieces? Who can find those pieces? No one that's who.

Also has anyone every had something stuck in their teeth and not had a toothpick? Have you then bit off half a nail and used it to dislodge the stuck particle of food?